Red Stringed Web of Deceit
by Aachi
Summary: A simple lie that Rikuo told his human friends without thinking turns into a massive web of deceit that results in Kurotabou dressed as a woman and posing as his aunt for a week. Full summary inside. Mainly Kurotabou/Kubinashi.
1. It Started With A Simple Lie

Summary: A lie Rikuo told his human friends without thinking turns into a massive web of deceit that results in Kurotabou dressed as a woman and posing as his aunt for a week. The conspirators of the scheme must keep Kuro's identity secret from the humans, the household and the massive amounts of youkai visitors that will be arriving for Rikuo's thirteenth birthday. Unfortunately for Kuro, he plays the role of mysterious female a little too well…

Author's Notes:

~New AN 3-20-2012~~~So! Now that I'm almost caught up on the manga, I think I need to point out that, yeah... this fic is sort of AU lol. It follows the real story right up until after the defeat of Hagoromo Gistune and then it goes off on it's own. But I think it being an AU would be pretty obvious anyway since I'm having various bishounen youkai hooking up with each other :3~~~~

I wish I could keep it a surprise but obviously, I need to let you know the eventual pairing up front. This'll be a somewhat sexually confused, embarrassed and adorably reluctant Kurotabou/Kubinashi with a variety of other pairings on the side with lots of hilarious facepalm situations.

Also, I intend to make this NC-17 in later chapters. So I'm going to go ahead and mark it as M rated.

But yeah, it's yaoi. Don't like it, don't read it. This is your only warning. Flames will be laughed at.

I'm still reading the manga, but unless I'm mistaken, Rikuo is still twelve in the anime up to this point (season two completed) and with thirteen the age of adulthood for youkai and the birthday that Rikuo will take over as Lord of Pandemonium, the celebration just begs to be turned into a hilarious mess for everyone involved.

Disclaimer: I don't own Nurarihyon. If I did, all the minor bishounen youkai characters would get more story.

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

It Started With A Simple Lie

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><p>Rikuo left school looking like someone had just told him he would die an agonizing death within the coming week. Tsurara followed him looking worried and panicky with Yura walking behind them with her usual innocent expression slightly tinted with a small smirk.<p>

The ice maiden pat her master on the back, trying to cheer him up. "Don't worry waka, we'll figure something out! Keikain-san even volunteered to help us!" She smiled brightly, looking more confident than she felt about the whole matter.

Though she offered to help the Sandaime, so far Yura's only contribution was making Rikuo feel worse. "You should really think your lies through before you say them out loud. All you did was make an unavoidable situation worse."

Tsurara shot the onmyouji a glare before continuing to pat her brooding master's back.

It was a Friday, and Sunday would be Rikuo's thirteenth birthday. Since this would be the day that Rikuo became an adult in the eyes of youkai and would officially take up the full duties of the Lord of Pandemonium, there was to be a weeklong celebration hosted at the Nura house. Youkai lords and countless demons from all over Japan that belonged to the Nura clan would be attending the festivities.

However, none of that was what was bothering Rikuo. True, it was a huge part of it, but only because of the problem that presented itself today.

Kiyotsugu had invited himself and the Kiyo Cross Squad to Nura's house – again – for Rikuo's birthday and they would be coming that night to stay all weekend and as luck would have it, the following week was a school break. So, not only would Rikuo have to keep his human friends away from the youkai guests, but more than likely, Kiyotsugu would insist on staying the whole week in Rikuo's haunted house – unknowingly during the entire youkai festivities.

But that wasn't even the worst part! In a quick, reckless attempt to keep his friends from coming to his house, Rikuo blurted out the first lie that came to mind; that his aunt that he hadn't seen in several years was at his house visiting for his birthday.

Of course, this did nothing to discourage the discourteous self-entitled Kiyotsugu. In fact, it only made him more resolute in his decision to invite himself and the Cross Squad to Rikuo's house so they could meet the Nura aunt.

So now, not only did the young lord have to keep his friends away from the usual inhabitants of his house and the youkai visitors that would start arriving the next day, but he had to find someone who he trusted enough to pose as his aunt for the next week and he only had until that evening when his friend's would show up to find someone.

Some days he wondered if it was really worth the effort to keep his human friends in the dark about who he really was. Of course, if they found out, Kiyotsugu would lead the humans into even more danger than he already did and probably move into Rikuo's house permanently.

That was a problem for another time however. For the moment, the issue on the top of his list was finding an aunt in the next few hours.

It was already understood between the three conspirators that the person would need to be one of the Nura affiliated youkai in order to move about the house and among the tenants freely until the humans left. The trouble with that was there were very few female youkai in the Nura house that were strong enough to maintain a human illusion for any prolonged period of time.

The perfect candidate would have been Kejoro if it wasn't for the fact that the humans already knew her as a 'house keeper' and Asajigahara no Kijo, the girl/woman board member duo were too old and too young to pose as Rikuo's aunt.

He never realized before just how few powerful female youkai there were in the main house.

"How about we ask Sasami-san to pose as your aunt waka?" Tsurara mentioned brightly.

Yura shook her head, "No, the girls have seen the Sanba Garasu before. Even with her wings hidden and dressed differently, they might recognize her."

Rikuo continued to lead the way home, sulking as he walked, having remained silent since leaving the school grounds. He was frantically trying to think up a way out of the mess he'd landed himself in while inwardly kicking himself - which his youkai personality eagerly helped with.

"_If you continue your friendship with them, they'll find out the truth one day no matter what you do to prevent it."_ Yoru told him from within his mind.

"_I know it, but we both know it's best for them to stay ignorant as long as possible for their own safety." _Rikuo thought to his alter ego. _"Anyway, if you're not going to help me come up with ideas for the current issue then stay quiet so I can think of some."_

He could see Yoru wave his hand dismissively in his mind's eye. _"Ask one of the girl's from Tono then."_

"_You know the group from Tono won't be here until Sunday and there's not enough time to send for them. They wouldn't arrive until after midnight and I only have three hours at the earliest to find someone to play the aunt that's supposed to already be at the house."_

Yoru was about to make another suggestion that only Rikuo could hear when Tsurara unknowingly beat him to it. "Why don't we ask Ryoutaneko-san if we could borrow one of his waitresses to play the role?"

Rikuo sighed and finally spoke, "We may have to do just that. I just really wish that the person to do this was someone I know well and completely trust whole heartedly."

He growled in an expression of frustration usually reserved for when his youkai half had taken over. "Why? _WHY_ couldn't I have said uncle instead of aunt? There are so many males in the house that have sworn sakazuki loyalty with me that are strong enough to stay in an illusion as a human."

Rikuo hung his head in self depreciating defeat, "I can't even come up with a good and convenient lie." He added in a mumble, "I'm going to make a terrible lord of demons."

Tsurara gave her master a hug and encouraged him, "No waka! You'll make a great Lord of Pandemonium! You lead all your youkai in battle and politics as if you've been doing it all your life. Lying is just something you need practice at! Even those born as full-fledged youkai like myself sometimes have trouble perfecting deception." She smiled brightly at him, "In fact, after all these years, I'm still pretty bad at lying."

The young lord smiled slightly at his attendant, "Thanks Tsurara-chan. That makes me feel a little better."

The onmyouji following them lightly sniffed in disdain, "You can focus on improving your youkai praised skills of trickery later. We don't have much time to fix the current problem."

The ice maiden turned to glare at her again but happened to catch a glimpse of a woman's clothing store across the street and a brilliant idea popped into her head.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Tsurara stopped walking and clapped her hands excitedly at her own idea. "I've got it! You can have one of your sworn servants pose as your aunt after all waka!" She waved her hands around widely as if she came up with the best idea ever thought of before in the history of the world. "We can dress up one of the guys as a woman!"

Rikuo and Yura looked surprised at her idea. To be specific, Rikuo had an intrigued look of surprise while Yura's look was one of horrified shock.

"That's a terrible idea!" The overly innocent onmyouji looked incredibly disturbed.

"No it's not!" The yuki-onna argued back, "Lots of the youkai males who have sworn loyalty to waka are gorgeous guys. Some of them even get mistaken as women even when they're dressed in men's clothing. Like Mezumaru when he goes without wearing the skull on his head."

Rikuo nodded excitedly, "That is a great idea Tsurara-chan! But who looks just the right age and feminine enough to pass as my aunt?"

The ice maiden stopped to think about it for a moment, but before she had a chance to start listing off her ideas of possible candidates, the answer presented itself before them.

"There you are waka! Soudaisho sent me to ensure that you head home right away. He and Karasu-Tengu-sama wish to speak with you about a few last minute decisions that need to be made for the festivities."

Kurotabou was now standing before the trio, appearing to the humans on the street as a normal man with unusually long hair. Said hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and he had opted for a casual outfit of snug jeans and a loose t-shirt. To the ignorant observer, he looked like he was someone who might be in his final year of university.

Rikuo and Tsurara quickly looked over the monk's fine facial features, long silken hair and slender frame. Turning to each other, they both nodded in silent agreement that they both were thinking the exact same thing. Immediately, each of them grabbed one of Kuratabou's arms and dragged him into the nearby alleyway followed by a flustered and slightly panicky Yura.

"W-waka! What's wrong?" The black monk worriedly asked as he was dragged away from the prying eyes and ears of humans on the street.

Rikuo started out with, "Kuro, I need your help."

After several minutes of explanation from Rikuo and Tsurara with the occasional input from an ill at ease onmyouji, Kurotabou looked just as stricken with terror and a sense of a horrible dread as his master did not a half an hour before.

"It would really help me out a lot if you did this for me Kuro, but it is a really weird thing to ask of you so I'm not going to make it an order. So I'm asking you a favor as my trusted friend." Rikuo may not have had lying mastered yet, but he was an expert at guilt trips, puppy dog eyes and lulling people into a false sense of security with his cuteness.

So of course Kurotabou agreed to play the role of Rikuo's 'human aunt' – though he felt like he just might cry in despair.

"Of course I will do as you ask waka." A cold chill ran up the monk's spine as he agreed to what he knew would be his own personal hell. "But may I ask a favor in return?"

Rikuo smiled brightly in relief that his subordinate was going to help him with his lie. "Of course Kuro!"

The weapon's master nodded somberly once, "Can we keep this as a secret from everyone? Especially from Aotabo and the others?"

For the powerful youkai that he was, Kuro was mortified at the possibility of his brethren finding out this secret, even though he was doing it at the request of their master. Aotabo in particular, would never let the black monk go a day for the rest of his life without reminding him about what was sure to be the most humiliating week in his existence.

Rikuo nodded hastily, "Of course Kuro! We'll come up with something to keep the others from knowing it's you."

"Oh! We can say that you're a messenger from Tono who came before the others. You found waka to give him a message from his comrades that are coming and since you happened to come at just the perfect time, he asked you to pose as his aunt in front of his human friends." Tsurara rambled off her idea excitedly.

Rikuo nodded eagerly, "That's perfect!"

Yura poked a hole in the duo's bubble of excitement. "Aren't your comrades from Tono coming? How will you explain a mysterious messenger from their village that they've never met?"

The only two that were excited about the plan suddenly lost all their energy.

"Dammit." Rikuo thought hard for a moment, "We may have to let them in on the secret."

Kurotabou, who'd been very quiet, cringed slightly but continued to stay silent.

"Or maybe you could tell them that Kuro-san is a stray youkai that you found and decided to take into the Nura clan but you didn't want to tell Nuragumi and officially include him – I mean her – until after the festivities and everything settled down at the main house." The ice maiden continued, "And her posing as your aunt in front of your human friend's is a help to you as well as a test of her loyalty."

Rikuo thought for a moment, "That may actually work."

"And what are you going to do when it comes time to make the 'stray youkai' a member of Nura?" Yura asked.

Tsurara was quick to answer, "Everyone from Tono will go home before waka would add the stray to the family, and once they're gone, Kuro-san can 'leave' right after they do so everyone left in the house will think he went back to Tono with them."

"Alright, but I think you're forgetting a major obstacle." Yura countered, "Won't everyone wonder where Kurotabou-san is while the mysterious 'woman' is in the house? You can't just say that he's gone somewhere else for the week of his master's coming of age festivities and expect everyone to believe that while a stranger that looks like him visits while he's gone."

"He can change back and forth between being himself and the visiting female." The ice maiden reasoned.

The onmyouji quirked an eyebrow, "I'm pretty sure that's the plot of countless comedy shows and movies, and I don't remember it ever working out for any of those characters."

Tsurara scrunched up her nose, "Well I haven't watched very much human entertainment but I know this will work. There will be hundreds of youkai present. It will be easy for Kuro-san to switch outfits without being noticed by anyone and he'll only have to show up in front of the humans as the aunt, and he'll only have to do that about as often as they see Wakana-sama."

Rikuo had been deep in thought during their debate, "It'll be a challenge at first, but I think it'll work out too. Especially after all the youkai start drinking, and I kind of doubt they'll stop doing that until the day they leave."

Yura deadpanned, "So basically, you'll be lying to your human friends, telling another lie to your family, and telling yet another lie to your comrades from Tono which is supposed to be a fake truth to the lie you told your family, while making your servant switch between being himself and impersonating a female youkai while keeping the truth secret from hundreds of youkai and the Kiyo Cross Squad."

The young lord nodded, as if he was agreeing to a question about what music he liked and not an assessment about a complicated web of deceit, "Yeah, that sounds like an accurate summary."

The onmyouji couldn't help but uncharacteristically roll her eyes. "Is it your ultimate goal to make life harder on yourself and those that serve you or are you just a masochist that's into mentally torturing his followers?"

Yoru laughed inside his head, _"She has a point you know."_

"_Shut up."_

Outwardly, Rikuo said, "I'm not really left with many options in this instance if I want to keep my secret, and Kuro's part in this secret and you know as well as I do that it's safer for Kiyotsugu-kun and the others if they don't know that I'm a youkai."

Yura's only sign that she had conceded was a resigned sigh, but she muttered one last defiant objection. "I still say that if you planned what you tell the Kiyo Cross Squad better, you wouldn't be in this mess right now."

Rikuo sighed as well, "You're right of course. I'm going to start working harder on that after we get through this whole nightmare."

The Keikain girl shook her head ruefully and mumbled to herself, "I'm not even sure why I said I'd help a youkai with his lies… I think Hidemoto-sama's personality has been rubbing off on me."

The young youkai lord heard her mumblings and smiled gratefully, "Thank you for your help with this, Yura-chan."

Tsurara pounded her right fist into her left hand. "So we're all agreed on the story we'll tell everyone right?" They nodded in response, Kuro looking whiter than his usual pale complexion.

"Right then! Keikain-san and I will take Kuro-san to get some clothes. Soudaisho is waiting so you better go home right away waka."

"Right. Thank you too, Tsurara-chan." Rikuo took out his wallet and handed it to the yuki-onna, "Here, use my money to buy whatever you need to pull this off." He turned to look up at Kurotabou, "And I especially want to thank you for your part in this Kuro. After this whole mess is over I'll treat you to whatever you want!"

The monk may not like what he was going to have to do but he could never be upset with his beloved master. "It is always my honor to assist you when you need my help Rikuo-sama."

He was rewarded with a bright and happy smile from his young lord before Rikuo ran off toward home, waving farewell and calling out a promise to meet the trio as soon as they arrived back at the Nura house.

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><p>AN<p>

Sorry if Yura sounded out of character and overly grumpy. This story is set soon after the dust has settled from the Hagoromo-Gitsune arc and now that the crisis has been averted she's still in the middle of dealing with knowing her friend Rikuo is the Lord of Pandemonium, who saved her countless times while dealing with the lifelong ingrained lessons that youkai are bad and must be killed on sight. So she's got some of her own inner conflict to handle right now and it comes out with her sounding cranky.

My excuses for dressing Kuro as a woman –

Asajigahara no Kijo are the old woman and little girl that you see hand in hand in the background of the Nura house a lot (according to the manga). I'm also pretending that the Sanba Garasu appeared in front of Rikuo's friends in their human faced forms rather than the crow ones that they actually did show up as. And my excuses for not using the Tono girls are written in the story.

Really though, I just wanted to dress poor Kuro up as a woman for some fun and embarrassing misunderstanding and hijinks :D

This chapter was only half as long as the ones I'm used to writing for 'Raspberry Cravings' but I felt this was the perfect place to end the chapter.

Next chapter: Kuro is subjected to the horrors of clothes shopping with girls.

Please Review!


	2. The Pains of Beauty

Chapter 2

The Pains of Beauty

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><p>Kurotabou was pretty sure he must have angered a deity somehow.<p>

He went out drinking with Aotabo enough that it was quite possible he mistakenly groped a backside that belonged to a guardian spirit rather than one of the many hostess girls who loved his attention.

Whatever it was that he did to deserve being trapped in a woman's clothing boutique while Tsurara and Yura scoured the racks looking for woman's clothing for him to wear; he was well and truly sorry. If he ever figured out what it was that he did to receive this cruel and unusual divine punishment, he vowed to never do it again.

The black monk had resigned himself to stand by the dressing room, patiently letting the girls hold clothes up to him for them to decide which items to put in the pile for him to try on.

The only other person in the store was the shopkeeper, however, Kurotabou was quickly wishing for dozens of other customers to come into the store if only so the man would stop flirting with him.

"So you new to the scene honey?" The curly haired blonde openly looked Kuro up and down, "The first few times you dress in skirts is a little tough, but after you get used to it you'll love it. You've got some great help to get you started too." He glanced quickly over the growing pile of clothes near Kuro. "Your girlfriends have good taste."

The youkai audibly grit his teeth and tried not to acknowledge the man. If he remained silent, maybe he'd leave him alone and the weapons master wouldn't be forced to kill him.

Of course, that hope was in vain. Whether the shopkeeper chose to ignore Kuro's foul mood or was truly oblivious to it, he continued on, giving the monk what he thought was his best charming smile. "I go out with my friends every Friday to our favorite club. Maybe you'd like to join us tonight?"

Tsurara and Yura could feel Kurotabou's youki rise dramatically and the ice maiden could have sworn she heard one of the assassin's teeth cracking with the force of his grinding.

With his patience wearing thin and his malice growing, Kuro continued not saying anything. Otherwise he might finally snap and kill the obnoxious man who just couldn't seem to understand that his attentions were very much unwanted.

Knowing that the next thirty seconds would involve a human corpse if someone didn't dispel the situation, Tsurara quickly moved in between the glowering monk and audacious shopkeeper.

She waved her hands frantically at the man, trying to get his attention on her instead of Kuro. "Please sir. I think you misunderstand the circumstances. My – uh - my brother here isn't actually like that. He just lost a bet to me and our sister over there and has to dress as a woman for a week as his debt."

Yura instantly scrunched her face up in disgust at being called the sister of two youkai.

"So you see, I'm very sorry, but I know that nii-chan isn't interested and this is only making him madder about something he doesn't want to do."

The blonde man pouted, "A bet? What a shame! And he would have made a perfect addition to our circle too. He'll pass as a woman so splendidly with his fine features. I bet no one would ever be able to tell the difference."

From where she stood, Yura could clearly see the furious, manic look in the monk's eyes. Both girls could hear the metal scrape of a few of Kuro's weapons, but it was as though the shopkeeper was deaf.

The blonde was about to open his mouth again to say what would undoubtedly be his last words when Tsurara hysterically waved her hands around and forcibly pushed the man to the other end of the store, laughing nervously and frantically rambling. "Why don't you help me pick out a pair of shoes for him? I bet you have bigger shoe sizes in the store room right? Let's go back to the store room."

She almost knocked the clerk over when she shoved him through the door while calling out to the other girl. "Nee-san, can you help nii-chan make sure the clothes we picked for him fit right? Then we'll go back home." With that, she disappeared into the store room after the human, the shopkeeper complaining that customers weren't allowed back there.

Kurotabou and Yura turned to look at each other, both with narrowed eyes.

"I'm not going to wear these ridiculous clothes anymore than absolutely necessary." The monk said through gritted teeth.

Yura shrugged uncaringly, "Fine, just buy them without trying them on. I don't care. Just don't complain to me if it turns out a skirt's too short and you end up flashing hundreds of youkai."

The black monk growled under his breath and bared his fangs. If it wasn't for his legendary patience, he would have strangled the onmyouji and cut the shopkeeper in half.

He snatched up the pile of clothing and stomped off into a dressing room, barely keeping from ripping the door off its hinges when he slammed it shut.

When the trio finally left the store – thankfully not leaving any dead bodies or the building on fire – Kurotabou left the girls saying he needed to vent his anger and that he would meet them back at the Nura house.

The construction workers clearing the land of trees in the nearby foothills would find their job had mysteriously already been done when they came to work the next day.

The girls carried the clothing bags and walked briskly back to the Nura compound in order to get ready for the next phase of the plan. In addition to clothes and shoes, they had also bought hair accessories and makeup for Kurotabou and they needed to sort through everything and find a place to hide it all.

"For someone who claims to be bad at lying, you're much better at it than Nura-kun."

Tsurara laughed nervously, "For some reason, the right things seem to fly out of my mouth without any thought when I'm trying to prevent someone from being killed. When I have time to think about a lie, I'm actually pretty bad at it for some reason."

Yura hummed, "It must be some sort of youkai survival instinct." She shrugged, "It wouldn't really surprise me if it was."

When they arrived at the house, they found Rikuo waiting for them by the gate. "Where's Kuro?"

Tsurara knew if she told him the truth about Kurotabou needing to be destructive to vent his anger, it would make Rikuo feel even worse about the situation. So she just told him not to worry and that the monk promised he would be back at the house within the hour.

When Kuro arrived back home, he was covered in splinters and tree bark but he felt much better. He even had a little smile on his face, remembering how one of the trees he toppled had crushed a construction vehicle.

But his grin instantly vanished the moment Tsurara found him and dragged him off to the vacant room next to Rikuo's.

She shoved him inside and looked around, making sure no one had seen them before shutting the door behind her.

And so, Kurotabou's nightmare continued.

Rikuo and Yura were already inside and had the outfit they'd picked for Kuro laid out and waiting for him. It took all of the monk's willpower not to turn right around and leave again.

There was a black, mid-length pleated skirt, a loose turtleneck sweater made from forest green fuzzy material that would hide his Adam's apple and flat chest, and lastly, a pair of white, oversized, loose socks that were popular among teenage girls that would help hide the fact that his feet were larger than a woman's should be.

"Thanks again for doing this Kuro." Rikuo said to him gratefully. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess."

As much as he hated the situation, the monk could never be mad at the boy. "It's alright waka."

Tsurara picked up the clothes and handing them to him, she shoved him behind the dressing screen in the corner of the room. "Hurry up and get changed. We still need to figure out what to do with your hair."

Kurotabou sighed, but did as he was told and came out from behind the screen a few minutes later in the new outfit.

Judging by the looks on their faces, he really must have looked just like a woman, but none of them wanted to say so to him.

First to stop staring at Kurotabou in amazement, the ice maiden dragged him over to sit on the floor so she and Yura could do his hair and makeup. Unfortunately, he was quickly becoming used to being moved about like a rag doll.

"You're hair's so long, we'll have to style it really well so it looks shorter. There are not many people at all with your length of hair Kurotabou-san." Yura reasoned. "Someone may figure out it's you just from that."

He nodded in understanding, it did make sense. So he allowed the ice maiden and onmyouji to try to do something with his hair.

Twenty minutes, and countless locks ripped out of his head later, Kuro's hair looked like he'd stuck his head in a tornado. Braids, hair clips and bows were placed in nonsensical patterns that looked like a hoard of five-year old girls had gotten a hold of him.

He was pretty sure Aotabo could have done a better job than the teens.

They finally gave up on trying to fix it. "Maybe two girls who've never really styled their own hair weren't the best to do this." Yura tried to comb out some of the knots she'd made in Kuro's hair.

Tsurara nodded her agreement with a cringe. She may have had long hair, but it was true that she never did anything with it.

Rikuo sighed, "I think we need to recruit some help."

The monk really didn't like the idea of anymore people knowing about this, but there was really no choice.

"Let's ask Kejoro-san. She's the best person for this sort of thing." Tsurara brightened up suddenly, "Oh! And I just remembered! She once told me that she could use her power to change other people's hair too! So she could make your hair shorter for this and grow it back to normal again later Kuro-san!"

Kuro nodded slowly, "Alright, but please, I don't want anyone else to know."

"No problem. I'll make it an order for her to keep this secret." Rikuo stood up, "I'll go get her."

While he was gone, the girls continued trying to straighten Kurotabou's hair back out again while thinking up names for the aunt he would be impersonating.

Just as they had decided on the name 'Karina', Rikuo came back in with Kejoro following curiously behind him.

She hadn't been briefed yet on what was going on since Rikuo didn't want to tell her where others could hear. So the moment she realized the person sitting on the floor was Kurotabou, dressed as a woman, with his hair a total mess, she burst out laughing so hard that her eyes started to water.

The moment she felt the monk's youki flare in a death threat warning and saw him glare daggers at her, she forced herself to stop immediately - though she had to bite her lip to keep herself from giggling.

"So, um," Kejoro fought back another laugh, "W-wha *snort* what's going on here?"

The whole situation was quickly explained and she swore she wouldn't tell the secret to anyone. She also promised to help and to stop laughing at Kuro – though she tried very hard, she still couldn't stop grinning like an idiot.

It was a rare spectacle after all. The coming days promised to be some of the most entertaining in her life. Even though she couldn't gossip about it to others, she could at least talk to Tsurara about it later.

It only took five minutes for the hair demoness to get 'Karina's' hair looking right. She had fixed the mess the two younger girls had made and used her powers to shorten Kuro's hair to his mid-back. She then made two, half-inch wide braids on each side of his head that came together in a small ponytail in the back, while the majority of his hair fell free.

When she was done she started work on Kuro's makeup. She ended up poking him in the eye numerous times with the eyeliner because he couldn't stop blinking and fidgeting.

He survived long enough for her to finish her work and felt relieved that the torture was over –right up until he turned to see Tsurara and Yura with hot wax and cloth strips for hair removal.

Not even a minute into being forced to let them wax his legs and under arms and he was already missing the annoyance of makeup application. He suddenly had new respect for women with all the grooming habits they kept.

When they were done with their abuse on his skin, he put his fuzzy sweater back on and awaited their final review of his appearance.

Tsurara clapped her hands excitedly. "Perfect! I think we got everything."

Kejoro thought for a moment, "Well, we could pierce his ears-"

"-No." The monk barely gave her a chance to finish her sentence before he firmly denied the idea.

She shrugged a shoulder, but smirked in suppressed amusement.

Rikuo stood and motioned everyone to do the same. "Alright. Everyone's clear on what to do?"

Kejoro nodded. "Yuki-onna and I will spread the word around the house that Karina-san here," She gestured toward Kurotabou, who couldn't stop his eye from twitching, "is a messenger youkai from Tono who's posing as your aunt in front of your human friends. The reason being; you told the humans a lie in order to keep them away from the house while we're hosting hundreds of youkai guests, but they insisted on coming over anyway."

The young lord nodded, "Right. And we need to make sure that everyone knows to keep the Kiyo Cross Squad from seeing them. I'd prefer that the visiting clan leaders not even know that there will be humans here, but with so many demons running through the house, I'm sure they'll hear the rumors anyway."

"Keikain-san, 'Karina-san' and I will keep Kiyotsugu-kun and the others busy." Tsurara said enthusiastically, grabbing Kurotabou's left arm.

Kejoro took hold of his other arm and smiled mischievously, "And Kuro and I will keep the youkai away from the humans and make sure everything stays secret."

Kurotabou silently prayed to any powerful being that would take pity on him to strike him down where he stood and end his misery before it inevitably became worse.

"Kejoro, you'll need to make sure to stay around Kuro so you can help him change back and forth when he needs to." Rikuo turned toward Tsurara, "Please go grab Kuro's normal outfit and bring it back here and hide it with the other clothes."

"Of course waka!" She hurried out of the room to do as she was asked.

While she was gone, Rikuo and the remaining three figured out a few last minute details about 'Karina's' story and identity and Kuro suppressed his youki so far that even the onmyouji and sandaime couldn't detect more than a sliver of it.

Even with that tiny amount, it wasn't enough for either of them to be able to recognize it as belonging to him. It was like trying to recognize someone's handwriting with only a single written letter 'a' to compare to.

Tsurara returned in a hurry with Kuro's monk outfit, "Waka! The humans arrived early! Kuromaru's crows just saw them! They're only a few blocks away!"

Rikuo cursed under his breath. "I had hoped we would have had time to tell everyone in the house everything we needed to before they came." He shook his head. "Nothing we can do about it now though."

"Kejoro, take Kuro with you to the parlor and prepare some tea. Yuki-onna, start telling everyone around the house the things we need them to know. Tell them to pass the word along so it gets done faster and come into the parlor after everyone has arrived. Yura-chan, come with me and we'll catch them at the gate and stall them to give everyone in the house a few more minutes to hide."

Everyone nodded in understanding and scattered to complete their assigned tasks.

Kurotabou followed behind Kejoro to the parlor, playing the part of a visiting female youkai. During the walk to the other end of the house, he could feel several pairs of eyes watching him with a variety of interest – not all of which was purely innocent.

If he had a sense of impending doom before, now it felt as though he could see the beginning of his own personal apocalypse.

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><p>AN<p>

Poor Kuro! I wish I could pick on someone else next chapter to give him a break but that probably won't happen.

Sorry, no inner dialogue between Yoru and Rikuo this chapter. Don't worry though! They'll be back with their bickering.

Next chapter: Everyone's interested in the new girl on the block.

Please review!


	3. Spies Like Us

AN

Sorry for the delay. I had a really hard time with how I would start this chapter out, so I ended up giving up on writing it from Kurotabou's point of view and swapped it to Kubinashi's. It's just a necessary transition chapter only there to show how everyone finds out about the mystery guest, which is a big part of why I had such a hard time with it. It's still funny though so don't worry :D

I've also been distracted with the stuff involved in starting my own business and that takes a lot of fun time away from me ;_;

So anyway, the story continues! Shogi is basically Japanese chess if you didn't know.

Disclaimer – Don't own Nurarihyon, if I did, there would be a lot of guy romance going on :D

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

Spies Like Us

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><p>"Let's bet on who'll win."<p>

Kubinashi sighed as he continued setting up his side of the shogi board. "I told you last time - and every time since the last game you bet against me and owed me all that money you never could pay – I'm not going to gamble with you ever again."

Ryoutaneko lowered his cat ears on top of his head, looking a little down, "Well, if I win I can knock off some of my debt to you."

The two of them were done with their assigned tasks for the day and were sitting on the outdoor wooden walkway that went around one of the inner courtyard gardens in the Nura house. Most of the shoji screen doors around the garden were slid open to air out the rooms for the guests that would be staying at the house soon, and there was a bustle of activity all around them as other youkai were still preparing for the week ahead.

Kappa was reclining lazily by the koi pond in the garden, feeding the fish and watching them swim, while some lesser youkai were nearby, tending to the flowers and foliage.

Each and every one of the beings in the area were trying to ignore the same old tired discussion that came up between Kubinashi and Ryoutaneko whenever they sat down to play a game together.

The blonde adjusted his position on the wooden walkway to sit cross-legged, "I already told you after we settled everything with those rats - I don't want a gambling debt between us to stop you from asking me for help. I really didn't like that the first time I saw you after so long, you were half dead in Rikuo-sama's arms."

The feline flattened his ears against his head further in shame and looked up at Kubinashi through soulful cat eyes, seeming very much like a kitten that was sorry he had killed his owner's pet bird.

Kubinashi rolled his eyes, "And anyway, like I told you last time you wanted to bet, I already tore up your I.O.U. You don't have a debt with me anymore, so let's keep it that way."

Putting his last game piece on his side of the board, he asked, "Besides, who bets on a game of shogi anyway? You're what the humans call a 'gambling addict'."

Ryoutaneko whined, "It's not like that Kubinashi!"

He smirked at him, "If you really feel the need to make it more interesting, why don't we turn it into a drinking game instead?"

Cat ears perked up immediately in excitement, "That'll work just fine for me!" Ryouta pounced up onto his feet in a fluid motion of agility that only a bakeneko could achieve, "I'll go get some sake from the kitchen."

Kubinashi smiled to himself. Just like a kitten, Ryoutaneko was far too easy to distract.

He stood up from the porch as well, "I'll go with you. There's a jug of sake in there from Shikoku that I've been wanting to try."

They had only gotten to the corner of the walkway where the courtyard's wooden porch became a hallway that went inside the house, when they heard the sound of rushing feet.

The two of them stopped to look around for a moment, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from, when a large group of youkai came running around the corner from the hallway they were walking toward.

Kubinashi was standing in front of Ryoutaneko and received most of the damage from being run into by the crowd. His head was knocked clear away from his body, but the cat demon was able to use his quick reflexes and jumped up to catch it before it flew too far away.

The group of demons never seemed to stop pouring out of the corridor and Kubinashi yelled from where his head still rested in Ryoutaneko's arms. "What the hell's going on?"

Yuki-Onna ran up to them from the opposite direction of the youkai-spewing hallway. "Everyone has to hide quickly! Waka's human friends are at the front gate!" She nervously danced around, still disguised as her human persona in a panic. "You've got to make sure that everyone who can't appear human hides right away!"

The girl quickly snatched Kubinashi's head away from Ryoutaneko and put it back in its rightful place, floating above his shoulders. Without warning, she grabbed his scarf and covered his head and area his neck should have been with it, tying his head down.

Before he could even complain, her hands bolted to Ryoutaneko's headband and resituated it to cover his ears like a girl's hair accessory. He hissed in response to her abuse to his ears but she didn't even hear it.

"You guys will be ok if the humans do see you, so you need to help me tell everyone to hide. Try to avoid letting them see you anyway if you're able to."

She ran off again before they had a chance to say a word, but then she suddenly stopped and turned around before she was too far away. "Oh! And we have a guest from Tono. It's a long story, but waka's friends need to think she's his aunt. She's with Kejoro right now in the parlor and Kiyotsugu and the others will be with them soon. So make sure no one goes near there!"

Tsurara took off running again, stopping to help smaller youkai hide under the porch or in the ceiling on her way.

Kubinashi loosened the tight knot she'd made out of his scarf until it resembled something more like a fashion statement instead of it looking like the fabric's sole purpose was to keep his head from leaving his body.

"Did you hear that?" He turned to his friend grinning, "We've got a girl from Tono visiting. I wonder if it's someone we've already met or a new one."

Ryoutaneko's volume was too loud when he spoke, "What? I can't hear you very well! Did you say something about a pearl or a curl?"

Kubinashi sighed and slid his headband off for him, careful not to pull on his ears, "I said there's a _girl_ from Tono here." He handed the material back to him so the cat could take the tight knot out that Tsurara had put there.

Ryoutaneko plucked the knot loose and put his headband back on properly, "Well we'll have to see what's up with that later, Yuki-Onna said we need to hide."

The blonde waved his hand dismissively, "After she tied your ears down, she also said that we looked human enough that we should be fine if waka's friends accidentally see us."

"Are you sure she said that?" Ryoutaneko's eyebrow was quirked in skepticism.

Kubinashi had already started tugging his arm toward the parlor, "More or less. Besides, everyone else should know by now what's going on and are already hiding, so we don't need to run around telling them." He gestured around him while they walked. The courtyard area had become empty of everyone except them while they had been talking.

Well, empty to anyone not looking closely anyway. The two of them could see many sets of eyes peering out from under the porch and cracks in the ceiling, and they could see Kappa under the surface of the pond.

He continued tugging the cat along, leading them into the hallway that led back inside the house. "So let's go see who the mystery woman is. You know the parlor ceiling will already be full with curious small youkai, so it's not like we'll be the only ones not staying away from there like we're supposed to."

Ryoutaneko's eyebrows shot up, "What? Yuki-Onna said we're not supposed to go near the parlor?"

Kubinashi laughed, "Don't be such a scaredy cat Ryouta."

The bakeneko flattened his ears in response, yanking his arm free from his friend. "I'm not afraid of something as stupid as getting in trouble or being seen by humans!" With that, he stomped passed the other and led the way to their destination.

The blonde followed behind, once again grinning to himself about how easily distracted the cat was.

The troublesome duo made a quick stop to grab a straw hat to cover Ryoutaneko's ears in case they were seen by the Kiyo Cross Squad. However, unlike Tsurara's method, the hat still let him hear normally.

The parlor that the guests, Kejoro and Rikuo were in was facing the outer yard. As luck would have it, Kiyotsugu had decided that it was such a nice day, that they should open the shoji screen doors to the outside – and took it upon himself to do so.

This of course, was much to the dismay of Rikuo, who wanted to keep his friends from accidentally seeing any youkai and to the delight of many curious demons who had heard about the mystery woman from Tono and were hiding in the yard outside the parlor to get a glimpse of her.

Seeing the perfect hiding spot to look into the room, Kubinashi and Ryoutaneko dashed toward the tree in the garden when none of the occupants were looking.

However, when they got there, they soon found that they would have to fight for a place they could see from. There were already countless youkai up in the tree as well as behind it.

They quickly squeezed in behind Aotabou who was taking up most of the area behind the tree trunk that was hidden from view of the house. Several smaller creatures were standing around his feet and clinging to his arms.

"_Move over!"_ Kubinashi whispered harshly, _"How the hell can you hide your massive body behind this tree so well anyway Aotabou?"_

The blue monk didn't answer his question but whispered back, _"No way! I was here first, you guys. Go find another place."_

"_We haven't even gotten to see this girl yet. Let somebody else take a look." _Kubinashi shoved him as much as he could so he and Ryoutaneko could get room to look from behind the tree. But the big man didn't move an inch no matter how hard he pushed.

"_Forget it. This lady has the longest legs I've ever seen."_ He smirked and snuck another peak out from his hiding place. _"No one's heard yet how long she's going to be around here, so I want to be sure I don't miss my chance."_

"_Miss your chance at what?"_ The blonde started trying to use his shoulder to push the large man out of his way, "_A chance for her to shoot you down when you ask her out for a drink? You need to work on how you flirt with the ladies first Aotabou. I would be happy to give you some pointers on that just as soon as you. Let. Us. Get. A. Look." _The smaller man emphasized his words as he kept trying to shoulder his way past the monk.

Aotabou scowled angrily down at the blonde before his expression suddenly turned into a wicked smirk. _"If you _really_ want to get a look, I can throw your head over there."_

Kubinashi frowned back at him,_ "I'll pass thanks. But since you're so willing to help me, I'll go ahead and take your offer of hospitality in another way." _

He grinned cheekily before he grabbed Ryoutaneko's arm and jumped up, right in the middle of Aotabou's bent over back, then onto his head and finally onto the nearest tree limb with space on it – Ryoutaneko being forced to jump on the monk as well, as the blonde dragged him along by his arm.

Aotabou cursed up at them as quietly as he could while the pair climbed through the tree limbs among several other lesser youkai, trying to find a spot they could see from. Kubinashi just grinned mischievously down at him and mouthed the word "_Thanks_!" while Ryoutaneko gave an apologetic smile and wave.

The two of them made it higher up the tree to where the only demons were Gozumaru and Mezumaru who sat on the same large branch. The lack of other beings around them was mostly because Gozu would kick off anybody who got close enough to his foot.

"_Great! More trespassers in our tree!" _The dark-haired youkai hissed. _"Get the hell off or I'll kick your ass."_

"_Relax. We just want to take a look at the girl everyone's been talking about. Then we'll leave, okay?"_ Kubinashi whispered and climbed up onto their branch to look for a break in the leaves, completely undisturbed by the young youkai's threat.

Gozu growled at his territory being invaded but knew he couldn't start a fight without it ultimately ending with them being seen by the humans. He could care less about that, but he knew if Gyuuki found out about it he would be punished.

"_Just hurry it up and then get out of here."_

"_Fine_." Kubinashi offered his hand down to Ryoutaneko and pulled him up onto the limb when he accepted it.

With the two extra youkai on the branch, Mezumaru was forced to scoot back towards Gozumaru who was sitting with his back against the trunk of the tree.

They were so close, that if the blue-haired youkai moved back anymore, he'd be in Gozu's lap.

Gozumaru was too busy trying to ignore his partner-in-crime's closeness to him to spout off any more threats at Kubinashi, while Mezu had suddenly become incredibly interested in the loose string on his sleeve.

Their obvious discomfort and awkwardness went unnoticed by the two interlopers who had found a place to see through the tree leaves.

From where they were, they could clearly see everyone that was in the parlor. It appeared to them as if Tsurara must have just entered, then there was the Kiyo Cross Squad, Kejoro, Rikuo and another that could only be the mystery woman from Tono.

"_Oh wow! Aotabou was right. She really does have long legs!"_ Ryoutaneko whispered, staring down at the dark haired visitor who had yet to sit for the tea that Kejoro was preparing. They could easily tell that the woman was a little nervous and unsure how to act in the role of Rikuo's aunt that she had been thrown into.

Kubinashi grinned. _"I can't believe just how beautiful she is. All the other girls we've seen from Tono fall under cute or adorable."_

Ryoutaneko glanced at him for a moment, _"Even that one who's a guy during the day and a girl at night?"_

"_Awashima?"_ The blonde chuckled, _"That one's off in her own category."_

The bakeneko turned his attention back to the stranger, _"Hey, do you think maybe I could convince her to work at Bakenekoya? I bet she'd get a lot of customers."_ His shoulders twitched like a cat about ready to pounce in his excitement of the idea.

"_There's no way a classy looking girl like that would want to work as a waitress at a bar, Ryouta."_

The neko pouted slightly, "_You know it's not just a bar."_

"_Same difference."_ Kubinashi waved his hand dismissively, _"Besides, I bet a girl like that takes care of a shrine in Tono or works among humans for trade and supplies for the village. She looks just like a human even though I can't sense much youki from her."_

Cat eyes focused in concentration, _"Hey, you're right. She must be like you and Kejoro then and was once a human."_

Kubinashi's head bobbed up and down slightly, _"That's my guess."_

Ryouta was about to say something else but his feline ears twitched under his hat as he heard a small cracking sound.

He looked around curiously, but before he could figure out what it was, the branch that they were sitting on snapped under the weight of the four adult-sized youkai.

Kubinashi couldn't do a thing to catch himself since he had had his legs and arms wrapped around the branch and he fell along with the piece of wood, making a fairly undignified yelping sound as he plummeted. Ryoutaneko was able to use his feline grace and claws to jump onto another limb as the one they were on started to fall. But he immediately realized that his wrist had somehow gotten tangled in Kubinashi's red string, and couldn't act fast enough to stop from being dragged down with him.

Gozu was safe by the trunk of the tree, the piece of branch he sat on staying intact. Mezu was not as lucky and jumped into Gozu's lap without thinking and the dark-haired youkai wrapped his arms around the other to keep him from falling out of instinct.

As soon as they realized their position, the two stared at each other with red faces and wide eyes for a long moment before Gozumaru suddenly dropped Mezu out of reactionary shock, and the blue-haired youkai fell to the ground after the first two.

Kubinashi hit the ground first, his scarf luckily keeping his head where it should be. However, he wasn't so fortunate with the tree limb that had broken, as they both had flipped positions in freefall – leaving Kubinashi to land on his back and the heavy branch to fall on top of him.

His string that had dragged Ryoutaneko down with him had gotten caught on another tree limb, which resulted in the feline not falling all the way to the ground. However, it probably would have been better if he had, because the string stopped his fall only by his arm and he yowled in pain as his descent abruptly ended.

The bakeneko hung from the tree by his wrist, just a few inches from his feet being able to touch the ground. At least he didn't have to wait long for help as Mezumaru came tumbling down after them and knocked the branch that the string was caught on in his plunge to the earth.

Ryouta was freed and landed on his feet but wasn't able to move out of the way fast enough and the blue-haired youkai landed on top of him. The skull he wore falling after him and landing on the ground nearby.

Having been alerted by the sound of yelling, everyone in the parlor turned to look in shock as the three fell from the tree and hit the ground.

The trio rolled around in pain for a few seconds before Mezumaru started throwing curses up at the tree.

"Gozumaru! You jerk! You didn't have to drop me!"

With his yelling, Kejoro was snapped out of her stupor and hastily stood up.

"Please excuse me. It seems that some of the… uh… some of the gardeners, are having trouble trimming the trees." With that she bowed quickly at Rikuo and the guests and swiftly threw the shoji screen doors to the yard shut as she left so they couldn't see anything else.

Kubinashi looked up from where he lay on the ground to see Kejoro stomping over to them. From the look on her face, it was easy to see that falling from a tree was about to be the least of their worries.

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><p>Hope this was worth the wait. I thought them falling out of the tree hilarious. I was thinking about making a comic of that from Rikuo and co.'s perspective in the room.<p>

Lol. You youkai boys! You have no idea who that 'beautiful girl with the long legs' really is.

Please review!


	4. Mad Tea Party

AN

This chapter practically wrote itself! It was a blast and I think it's the funniest one yet :D

Yuro and Rikuo are slightly out of character, but if you really think about it, maybe they're not. I mean, when Rikuo talks to Yoru, what does it look like to other people? Does he stare off in space? And Yoru might act differently when Rikuo is the only one to listen to him. We've only seen very few snippets of them talking. There might be lots more between them that we don't see, like everyday conversations that we the viewers/readers don't get to know about because it's just not important to the story. It's very possible that the two halves can talk to each other at all times, and not just when it's critical in a battle or figuring something out.

With that aside, sit back and enjoy the circus! LOL

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

Mad Tea Party

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><p>Rikuo and the others stared at the closed screen doors with wide eyes after Kejoro had left to tend to the three bumbling fools who had fallen out of the tree.<p>

"Your family sure hires some strange help for your house, Nura-kun." Kiyotsugu turned his attention back to their host.

"Oh! Yeah… They um… most of the help are foreigners." Rikuo cringed slightly at how completely terrible his excuse was.

They seemed to buy it though, "I sure hope they're all ok. That must have been a nasty fall." Kana's eyebrows were creased in worry for the people she'd seen get injured outside.

"They'll be fine." He smiled nervously, waving off her concern, "Those guys are a lot tougher than they look and anyway I have a... a relative that's visiting who's a doctor." Rikuo tried not to think about how angry Zen would be if he heard him use such a human term as 'doctor' when referring to him.

"Are you sure? I think the blue-haired one was a girl."

Shima turned back to look at the closed doors and made to move toward them, wanting to go outside. "A girl? We should see if she's alright."

Rikuo quickly blocked his path, waving his hands in front of him. "No no, everything's just fine. There are plenty of people in the house right now who can take care of them, so there's no need to worry."

"_That's another two marks on the scoreboard for people who've mistaken Mezumaru for a girl."_ Yoru smirked and made a motion like he was using an imaginary pen to make two tally marks on an invisible wall in Rikuo's mind's eye.

The brown-haired teen had to fight back a laugh but he couldn't stop from grinning and making an undignified snorting sound, _"You're not making this any easier for me, Yoru."_

His other half grinned devilishly at the only person that could see him and shrugged nonchalantly, as if to say 'I'm a demon, what did you expect?'

Trying to ignore the strange faces that Rikuo had started making while staring into empty space, Tsurara sat down by the tea set, eager to help keep the humans distracted.

"Rikuo-kun is right. I'm sure they'll be fine! Let have some of the tea that Kej- um- Housekeeper-san made for us."

The yuki-onna tried to cover her near slip up by taking a quick drink from the hot tea cup in her hand – completely forgetting to use her powers to cool it first.

Rikuo and Kurotabou watched as her eyes doubled in size at the pain of something too hot for a snow maiden.

She covertly spit the burning liquid back into her cup without the humans noticing.

Her eyes started to water, "It's very delicious tea." The girl was unable to stop a sniffle. "You should all sit down and have some."

"Oikawa-san, are you crying?" Shima asked, concerned.

A tear did in fact fall free from her eye, but she wiped it away before it could turn into a pearl of ice. "It's just really good tea!" Her bottom lip trembled as her mouth was still in pain.

"Um… oh – ok." The blonde boy looked a little uncomfortable but sat down on the floor as well.

Rikuo glanced at the humans nervously and dropped himself down onto a floor cushion abruptly, wanting to get the attention off of Tsurara as soon as possible.

"Yes, we should drink this before it gets cold. There are cakes here too, so everyone please take a seat."

Kurotabou looked unsure of how to go about sitting on the floor in a skirt while the ignorant humans did as Rikuo suggested and sat around the tea set and served themselves drinks and pastries.

Yura had seen his uncertainty and tried to catch his attention while she was still standing.

She made sure he was looking at her from across the room without drawing any attention to them, and silently demonstrated how to sit down on the floor in her skirt that was similar in length to Kuro's.

The black monk nodded his head once in silent understanding and thanks and copied her movements until he was safely resting on the floor with his legs folded up beneath him, just as everyone sat at the formal clan meetings. If he had moved like he normally did in his monk garb, everyone would likely have ended up getting a look under the skirt that was far too short for his liking.

The assassin silently vowed to wear nothing but pants after his whole nightmare was over. He suddenly wanted nothing to do with the flowing robes of his usual attire.

Natsumi offered him a cup of tea with a smile, "So you said your name is Karina, right?"

Kurotabou accepted the cup and nodded slowly in response, talking in the softer voice he'd had all of two minutes to practice using with Kejoro before the humans had come into the parlor. "Yes."

"Nura-kun mentioned you've been out of the country, right?"

Rikuo noticed their interaction and jumped into the conversation so Kuro wouldn't have to talk very much in case he slipped up the forced treble of his voice.

"That's right! O-Oba… Oba-san…"

Rikuo stumbled over the word for calling Kurotabou his aunt, mostly because of the youkai in his head who seemed to have decided that he hadn't gotten in enough mischievous pranks lately.

"_You should call Kuro 'Auntie'. He'd probably forget how to breathe."_

"_Yoru! Shut up! You're gonna make me laugh!" _

Rikuo pressed on with what he was trying to say aloud after only a small pause.

"Oba-san has been in America." At least Rikuo was able to tell the cover story he came up with without mental interruption. "She's a geneticist. When she had completed her studies with her university here, she went abroad to work with one of the leading universities over there that have been focused on studying human genomic D.N.A. from parent to child."

Kurotabou couldn't help himself from looking at Rikuo as if the boy had just told Natsumi that the sky was purple.

He liked to think that he was more up-to-date with the humans of the time than most other youkai. But Kuro still had no more of a clue about what the hell a geneticist or D.N.A. was than the first time Rikuo told him his cover story idea an hour before - when the monk had been getting his hair mutilated by two girls he had since vowed never to be near again when they were armed with hair accessories.

Natsumi looked excited at what Rikuo had told her though, so she must have understood what he had said.

She clapped her hands together enthusiastically, "So you're a doctor then? That's so cool!"

Kuro wasn't sure if the lies Rikuo had told her would make someone a doctor if they were truths or not. He had thought that doctors were just what humans called the ones that helped the sick and injured, instead of calling them healers. But then again, maybe a D.N.A. was a kind of modern human sickness? He sure as hell didn't know.

He looked to Rikuo for help, but his master seemed to be distracted by staring off into space again.

"_That's the best story you could come up with?"_ Yoru always let himself go and laugh more readily when the only one to witness it was his day self. It was important to look cool and in control in front of his subordinates after all - but he didn't need to be that way with Rikuo. _"You really are terrible at lying. I shouldn't have gone to sleep while you were coming up with that one."_

"_Would you like to come out here and think up a better story?"_

Yoru grinned wickedly, _"Are you asking me to take over in front of your human friends? The sun's setting – I can if you really want me to."_

Rikuo was quick to change his mind. _"No-no-no, that's fine – please don't."_

The youkai in his head started laughing again - he was having too much fun. His human half was always the best source of entertainment.

A few seconds had ticked by and Kuro couldn't get Rikuo to acknowledge that he needed some help, let alone what his master's suggested response to Natsumi should be.

So he answered her with an uncertain 'yes', which made her more excited and she started congratulating 'Karina' on being so smart and successful.

Yuki-Onna recovered enough from her incident with the tea to be able to talk without being in pain anymore. Seeing that Kuro needed help dealing with the inquisitive human girl, and Rikuo kept zoning out randomly, she scooted over toward them to distract Natsumi's attention away from the monk.

"Here, have some more tea." She refilled both of the tea cups from the pot, as well as Rikuo's who had snapped out of his inner dialogue enough to thank her.

Tsurara set the pot back down on the tray and asked Natsumi, "So what do you guys want to do this weekend? Like Rikuo-kun said, he'll be having relatives over, so I thought maybe we should all spend most of our time out of his house so he can see to his family."

Nearby them, Yura nodded her head and agreed to the snow maiden's attempt to get the humans as far away from the youkai party as possible. "Yes, we're already imposing enough as it is. We should stay out of the way of Nura-kun's familial obligations."

Kiyotsugu heard them and quickly swallowed his bite of cake. "Don't be ridiculous! Nura-kun has plenty of space. There are lots of places around here that we can stay without being a bother to his relatives."

Rikuo's eye twitched slightly and thought to himself, _"You have no idea how much you're in the way just by being here."_

Of course, even Rikuo's inner thoughts had an audience, _"We could always dump Kiyotsugu off at the Bakenekoya. He'd be so happy to be around youkai, he'd never leave." _Yoru told him with a wicked smile.

"_He'd never leave because they'd probably eat him." _

Tsurara tried again to reason with the obstinate Kiyo Cross Squad leader, when she was suddenly interrupted by the parlor doors that faced the inner hallway sliding open noisily.

"I heard we had a special guest!" Nurarihyon declared from the entryway.

He glanced over the faces that all looked up at him until his eyes landed on 'Karina'.

Kurotabou looked up at the supreme commander and Nurarihyon stared back.

There was about three seconds of dead silence before the Lord of Pandemonium started howling with laughter.

It felt like a literal punch in the face to Kurotabou, who understood immediately that the Nura-gumi leader had seen right through his disguise. In his shock and humiliation, he dropped the fresh cup of hot tea right in his lap.

Kuro's eyes widened and watered at the pain as he gritted his teeth to keep from yelling - because if he did, there was no doubt that it would be a very un-feminine shout.

The monk's reaction and facial expressions made Nurarihyon laugh harder and double over, needing to lean on the wall for support.

Before the humans could start asking questions or make any moves to help 'Karina' clean up the hot tea, Tsurara employed a fool proof distraction.

"LOOK! I saw youkai in the ceiling!" She pointed dramatically to a crack in the ceiling tiles on the opposite end of the room. Every one of the ignorant humans whipped their heads around to look where she was pointing.

There were the sounds of several pairs of tiny feet scurrying away hurriedly above the room as well as a barely audible cry of "Yuki-Onna, You traitor!"

The humans jumped up in excitement and tried to look up through the dark opening.

"She's right!"

"I heard them too!"

"Oh no! They're running away!"

While they were busy, Tsurara quickly blew icy wind on the hot tea in Kuro's lap. But as usual, she couldn't quite use just the right amount of her powers. However, a frozen skirt was much better than a Kurotabou ice sculpture – so at least her control was getting better.

Yoru was laughing just as badly as Nurarihyon but Rikuo was able to ignore both of them and quickly removed his haori coat, throwing it over the icy garment and covering it from view before the others could see. The monk was already shivering and his skin had turned two shades whiter, but he resolutely kept from making any sound or movement that would return the humans attention to him.

Yura had immediately sensed when the first few youkai had gathered above them, which had only been a few minutes after she and the humans had come with Rikuo to the parlor. So she had already known that they had been there and now she had to tell a lie of her own.

She jumped to her feet, "The sneaky youkai must have been masking their youki from me! Hurry after them!"

The naive members of the Kiyo Cross Squad rushed out of the room, trying to listen for the running youkai.

Yura left after them but stopped long enough to tell Rikuo, "Don't worry. I'll make sure they don't really find any youkai. You get things settled here." She nodded politely toward Rikuo's grandfather, whose laughter had lessened enough for him to at least be able to nod back at her between chuckles.

"Yuki-Onna, can you please go get a dry and warm outfit for Kurotabou." Rikuo saw no point in using the alias name since the only ones left in hearing range already knew the secret.

Nurarihyon snorted again while Tsurara stood up to go do as she was asked, "Yes waka. I'll be right back." As she left, she made sure to close the screen doors behind her so the remaining three could talk in private.

"I have no idea what this is about," The supreme commander gestured at Kuro's outfit, stifling more laughter, "But it's the funniest thing I've seen in ages."

The monk bowed his head and his words stuttered and his teeth chattered from his too cold body temperature, "S-Soudaish-sho, this-s-sn't what it looks-s like."

He snickered, "Really? Because it looks to me like you're passing yourself off as a woman Kurotabou. It also looks like you're actually doing a good job of it. The only reason you didn't fool me too is because I've known you so well and for countless decades."

Nurarihyon stood up straighter, looking more like the leader he was then a cackling old fool, "Not only that, but before you swore your loyalty to Rikuo, you swore your loyalty to me." He grinned and chuckled again, being completely unable to stay serious about the whole situation. "I know who my past and present subordinates are, even if they're in disguise."

Rikuo jumped in to do the explaining since the entire fiasco was his fault. "Jii-chan, Kuro's doing this as a favor for me. I sort of backed myself into a corner with a bad lie I told my friends."

Tsurara eventually returned with dry clothes for Kuro, which he changed into in the empty adjacent room.

Rikuo was just finishing up telling Nurarihyon the whole story when Kuro returned.

He came back into the parlor wearing a cream colored knitted sweater with a girlish brown leather vest over it and a brown mini skirt, which he considered to be a much more evil garment than the pleated skirt. But thankfully, the ice maiden had brought a pair black leggings that went down to his ankles for him to wear underneath the dreaded mini skirt. He also had on a fluffy black scarf around his neck and the same pair of loose socks as before, since they hadn't gotten wet.

Kurotabou hated the entire outfit so much.

Nurarihyon turned to look at the assassin's new outfit with a huge grin – obviously trying to keep from bursting out in laughter again.

"So you see, Kuro's doing me a huge favor, and we need to keep this a secret from the other youkai too. If they find out, they'll tease him about it and he's already going to have to put up with a lot, doing this at my request. So please don't tell anyone about this Jii-chan." Rikuo pleaded with his grandfather.

The elder feigned an expression of consideration, "I don't know… Letting everyone know that Kurotabou runs around in women's clothing sounds like it would be a lot of fun." He was the supreme commander of ten thousand demons – he wouldn't be doing his job if didn't annoy, embarrass and generally make life harder for others in some way.

The three knew him well enough that they could easily tell that he was most likely just teasing, but Kurotabou was so desperate to keep the secret that he knowingly played into the charade anyway. He wanted to do absolutely everything possible to keep anyone else from knowing.

He bowed low on the floor before the commander, "Please Soudaisho! Please don't tell anyone. I've never requested anything of you before."

Nurarihyon laughed lightly, "You've never asked me for anything before? What about every time we all get drunk here at the house and you ask to smoke my pipe?"

Kuro raised his head to look up, "That – um…"

"Or what about that one big party a long time ago, when you and Aotabou were so drunk that you both thought it would be hilarious if Rihan and I swapped kimonos because we looked so much alike. Neither of you would shut up about it until we did." Nurarihyon snorted, "I looked terrible in his green haori."

"I… um… I don't actually remember that."

The commander grinned mischievously and looked up in thought, "Oh, that's right. By the time we did end up swapping outfits, you had already blacked out. So the three of us stripped you of everything but your undergarments and hid your clothes."

Rikuo and Tsurara exchanged awkward glances, as if they were reasserting that they had heard correctly.

"But we didn't actually hide your clothes until after we used ink to draw profane words and drawings all over you and dumped you off in one of the women's community sleeping quarters." Nurarihyon's devilish smile was huge.

Kuro hid his red face as much as he could behind his hair, "… That part… does sound familiar."

"And then there was that one time we were all drunk and you asked-"

"Please Soudaisho! No more humiliating stories!"

Nurarihyon laughed, "That just now, was a request you made sober."

Kurotabou let his head fall the few inches to bang his forehead on the floor.

The supreme commander decided to finally give his faithful follower a break. "Oh relax Kurotabou. I was just having some fun. I promise I'm not going to tell anybody that 'the girl from Tono' that everyone has been talking is actually you."

The monk looked up, gratitude clearly written on his face. "Thank you Soudaisho! Hearing you say that is a great relief."

Nurarihyon's mischievous grin returned. "In front of everyone else, I'll behave the same way around 'Karina' as I would any other youkai woman."

Realizing what he might mean, Kuro's face paled and the weight that had been temporarily lifted from his shoulders was replaced by a boulder.

He should have known better. Nurarihyon was the supreme commander of mischief and prank loving demons after all.

* * *

><p>AN<p>

Mwahahaha poor Kuro!

JUST TO BE CLEAR - whatever dirty thing you're thinking Nurarihyon is implying - it's most likely _not_ what he's plotting. Nurarihyon will be playing the role of instigator. As in, "Oh _yeah_ Kubinashi/Aotabou/Ryoutaneko/whoever-asks-me-for-an-opinion you _totally_ have a chance with that Karina girl. You should go flirt with her and ask her out right now!"

He'll also do just a little innocent flirting with 'Karina' in front of the youkai for the sole purpose of making poor Kuro uncomfortable when he can't really do anything about it while he's still in his disguise. However, when he and 'Karina' are in front Rikuo's human friends, he'll be embarrassing Kuro in a totally different way! Since 'Karina' is supposed to be Rikuo's aunt, this means they will be pretending that 'Karina' is Nurarihyon's daughter and sister to the late Rihan. So the embarrassment that 'dear old dad' will put on Kuro will go something along the lines of, "Oh Karina-chan, remember when you were four and you put your brother's underwear on your head and pretended you were a superhero?"

Mwahaha *Aachi is totally evil*

I love Kuro though! I give him lots of hugs after I put him through the abuse of each chapter!

Oh and can't you just imagine a drunk, young Nurarihyon and his equally plastered accomplices pulling Frat boy pranks on their passed out drinking buddies? No matter what century it was, I can totally imagine them doing that. It just sounds like their kind of thing.

Please review!


	5. Three Youkai in a Tub

AN

Yes, the chapter title is ridiculous but given what happens, how could I not go with it? LOL This is also the longest chapter yet :D

Kurotabou gets a break and somebody else gets a turn at being humiliated. There's also some juicy stuff you've been waiting for when Mezu's time in the bath turns steamy. Hur-hur-hur… puns…

So! Now that I'm almost caught up on the manga (I'm at chap 168 right now!) I think I need to point out that, yeah... this fic is AU lol. It follows the real story right up until after the defeat of Hagoromo Gistune and then it goes off on it's own. But I think it being an AU would be pretty obvious anyway since I'm having various bishounen youkai hooking up with each other :3 So with that established... I'm gonna go add this statement to the first chapter too lol

Also, in my version of Nuramago here, Kubinashi and Kejoro have more of a brother-sister relationship going on and each of them tries to act like the protective, older sibling.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

~Rub-a-dub-dub~

Three Youkai in a Tub

* * *

><p>"Aren't cats supposed to land on their feet?"<p>

Ryoutaneko yowled in pain as Zen popped his dislocated shoulder back into place. The healer poured some liquid medicine over the swollen joint and some of the various cuts and bruises on his patient.

"I _did_ land on my feet." Ryouta flattened his ears against his head angrily, "Most of my injuries happened _before_ I reached the ground. If it wasn't for Kubinashi's stupid yarn, I wouldn't have even fallen."

"You know it's string. You're only calling it yarn to irritate me." Kubinashi hissed when Kejoro applied some of the more painful disinfectant to a fairly mean looking wound on his arm.

"I think I have the right to be a little upset with you since you were the one who literally _dragged_ me along." The cat instinctively went to lick a wound on his hand and was swatted on the head by Zen, who then poured ointment on it instead.

"You weren't trying to do much to stop me at the time," Argued the blonde, who grimaced as the hair demoness purposefully tied a bandage too tight.

"Both counts are true." Aotabou nodded. After Kejoro had shut the doors and kept the humans from looking outside, the blue monk had come out of his hiding spot to help her take the three injured into the house faster – but not without jostling Kubinashi more than was necessary in payback for having used him as a step ladder earlier.

"You're lucky that nobody who still has one broke their neck."

"Ha ha. Very funny, Aotabou." Kubinashi said sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"Well, from what I understand of the story, it sounds like Mezumaru was the only one who didn't deserve to fall on his face out of that tree." Kejoro started putting away the extra bandages and ointment she didn't use.

"Yeah, but he barely got hurt at all since he landed on Ryouta." The blonde pulled his shirt back on now that his injuries had been treated. With Zen's medicine and his own fast healing as a youkai, the moderate flesh wounds would heal over in only about an hour. By morning, it would be like he'd never even been hurt, with no scars whatsoever.

Mezu's very minor wounds had already been tended to, but he still sat in the room with the others instead of returning to his ever-present partner Gozu. The dark-haired youth had flitted out of the tree to places unknown shortly after Mezumaru had yelled up at him anyway.

He was lost in thought about that brief moment that had happened between them and was a little dejected that Gozu had ended it by dropping him. He wasn't sure why it bothered him that way.

Gozumaru had dropped, kicked and pushed Mezu out of their tree countless times before and it only made him mad and most times the blue-haired youth would get back at him for it. But something about this instance was different than their usual roughhousing and fights.

He wasn't sure what to think about it all – only that he much preferred the severe injuries he attained in the past from fighting a losing battle alongside Gozu, over the new and uncomfortable emotional feeling that he was experiencing.

Back across the room, Zen was finished treating Ryoutaneko and began putting away his medical supplies.

"You'll be completely fine again by this time tomorrow, but you'll want to soak your shoulder in a hot bath as soon as possible so it doesn't heal too stiffly."

"A bath?" The cat's ears drooped and his eyes became large and slightly frightened, "You mean with _water_?"

"That _is_ generally the preferred liquid when bathing." The bird youkai rolled his eyes, knowing exactly where this was going.

Ryouta's ears flattened and his hair bristled in response to his fight or flight instincts kicking in. "Well I _prefer_ to take my baths without water."

Zen sighed, "You're not going to make the shoulder you dislocated feel any better by _licking_ it."

"We won't know that for sure unless I try-"

"-You're soaking in the bath," Zen cut him off. "That's an order as your healer and higher ranking Nura-gumi member. In fact - all three of you should soak your injured and sprained muscles. The ointments I used are waterproof so there's no need to worry about it coming off as long as you don't scrub at it."

Mezumaru and Kubinashi made no sign of complaint, but Ryouta looked like a kicked kitten with big sad eyes.

Even though she was still mad at them for their earlier stupidity, Kejoro couldn't resist his adorable, sad kitten face. She gently pulled his head to her chest in a hug, mindful of his injuries, and started petting his head.

If she realized this position left him with his head resting on her breasts like a pillow, she didn't show it and Ryouta wasn't about to protest either. He just blushed heavily and started to purr loudly, closing his eyes in bliss as she scratched behind his ears.

"If you take a bath like Zen told you to, I'll make you a catnip cream shake and cookies for when you get out."

Feline ears perked up in excitement and he opened his eyes to look up at her hopefully. "Really?"

She nodded and pushed him away so he could stand up, "Of course. Now be good and go with Kubinashi and Mezumaru."

The mentioned blonde had been scowling at the back of Ryouta's head while he had had a face-full of Kejoro's cleavage. However, his expression returned to normal as soon as she released the cat from her hug, and he heard what she had said.

"Can you make me some dessert too Kejoro?"

She gave him a flat look, "I don't think I have to bribe you to take a bath."

"But I fell out of a tree today!"

"Which was what you deserved."

Kubinashi frowned, almost to the point of pouting, "You're wanting me to go to the bath with a human-sized demon cat with razor sharp claws. We both know I'm going to end up earning some kind of reward after dealing with that."

Barely noticeable, Kejoro cringed at the thoughts brought to mind with that, but she quickly put on an air of annoyed resignation and sighed, "Fine, I'll make snacks for all of you."

"Does 'all of you' mean the three of them or do Zen and I get cookies too?" Aotabou asked, pointing his finger to himself and Zen.

"Oh for-" Kejoro let out a truly annoyed sigh and raised her hands up briefly in frustrated defeat. "_Fine_. I'll make a whole batch or two of cookies - as if I don't already have enough to do this week."

Zen chuckled, "You know everyone loves your desserts. Being asked to make food all the time is just one of the side effects of being a great chef."

"Well somebody else can learn to cook sometime." A wide grin appeared on her face as an idea popped into her head. "As a matter of fact, since neither of you are doing anything right now, you can help me."

Zen and Aotabou widened their eyes in surprise.

"Actually, I have to-"

"I think I'm supposed to go-"

"-Oh no!" She interrupted them both and grabbed each of their kimonos at the chest, "I'm recruiting your help for cooking tonight and that's that."

While she set to dragging them to the kitchen - Aotabou shocked that she could pull him along behind her so easily - Kubinashi and the other two quietly snuck out of the room from the opposite door.

In the large communal bath, Mezumaru sat on the tile floor on his knees. He took his time washing his hair while deep in thought and trying to ignore the bickering of the room's only two other occupants.

"You don't have to wash your hair Ryouta, but I already told you that you have to at least wash the dirt from your skin before you soak in the tub." Kubinashi tried not to growl in impatience as he tried to pin the wiggling cat down long enough to wash the grime from him.

They had been in the bathing room for about twenty minutes, and in that time, Kubinashi had already washed himself and his hair using a wash bucket, all the while trying to convince Ryoutaneko to get himself clean before soaking in the tub. But it had eventually become clear to the blonde that the only way to get the bakeneko washed, rinsed and soaking in the water was if he strong-armed him.

"I thought I just had to _soak_ in the water!" Ryoutaneko and Kubinashi both, only had small towels wrapped around their waists for modesty, and it was such a small amount of covering that it made pinning the feline down on the floor and washing his back more than a little awkward for the two friends. "I don't see why I have to wash with soap too! The way I normally get clean is just fine!"

Kubinashi had finally gotten the other to hold still and lay face down on the floor by pinning him down at his upper back with one hand. He was also able to stop the other's legs from kicking him by putting his knees on either side of Ryouta's hips and placing his feet toward each other so his shins effectively held down the cat's thighs.

It was not the kind of position either would want to be caught in by someone who just walked in and didn't know what was going on. However, Mezu was the only one around to see it and they weren't really paying attention to him since they were busy wrestling and he already knew why they were fighting anyway.

Ryouta finally lessened his squirming for fear of accidentally jostling his injured shoulder by the hand Kubinashi had tactically placed nearby the wound, for just that reason of getting the cat to fear hurting himself further with his struggles.

After a moment to be sure that the bakeneko wouldn't start fighting him again, Kubinashi reached for the nearby washcloth that was already lathered with soap and tried to cleanse all the grime within his reach off his friend as fast as he could.

He finally answered the other's earlier complaints now that he wasn't as busy trying to keep him from moving as before. "You have to wash the dirt off before you soak in the tub. That's just communal bath common courtesy." He washed over the other's wounds more gently than the rest of him so as not to rub off the ointment or hurt him.

"Nobody wants to soak in a tub with other people's dirt and 'cat bath' spit in it."

With all the area Kubinashi could reach cleaned, he climbed off the cat, who sat up to look at him with eyes shining with unshed tears that seemed to say, 'You've defiled me with water! What did I ever do to make you hate me so much?'

Kubinashi sighed and looked away slightly so 'the face' wouldn't affect him. "Now, you have three options." He held up three fingers to emphasize his point. "One, you wash the front of your own body like an _adult_, two, I wash everything not covered by your towel for you, or three, I wash you anyway but knock you out cold with a wooden wash bucket this time because I'm not gonna wrestle with you on the floor again with you facing me while we're dressed only in towels."

He made his point clear and Ryouta's face turned pink in embarrassment as he mechanically opened his hands to silently ask for the wash cloth to finish the dreaded cleaning by himself.

Kubinashi smirked in triumph and handed over the item, though even he couldn't look Ryoutaneko directly in the eye right after what he had just said.

Mezu had watched their scuffle without making it too obvious that he had been staring. But if the other two had been paying any attention at all outside of their wet, mostly naked wrestling match on the bathroom floor, they would have heard him drop his soap and seen his eyes double in size and his face turn a much deeper shade of red than just embarrassment alone would make.

When Kubinashi moved away from Ryouta, Mezu could finally tear his eyes away to turn his back on them. He definitely didn't want them to see the look on his face since they were no longer distracted with their struggle.

He desperately tried not to, but his mind automatically turned the scene he had just witnessed and the position that Kubinashi had said he refused to pin the cat down in, into something far less innocent than just washing a long-time friend who had a fierce hate and fear of water.

In the blue-haired youths mind, what played out for him was much more sinful and the only struggling was half-hearted attempts made only to excite the other demon.

Without actively realizing it, the two in his mind turned into himself and Gozumaru, with the dark-haired one pinning him down and himself, squirming only enough to show that he wasn't completely submissive.

When the Gozu of his daydream laid his wet, mostly naked body on top of his and kissed him hungrily, Mezu's eyes snapped open in alarm. He was suddenly slapped hard in the face with the realization of just what he had been thinking about and who it was with.

Moreover, he was mortified when he noticed he was getting turned on with the dirty thoughts of himself and Gozu. He swiftly found that he wanted to imagine doing more dirty things with the other than anyone should think about of their battle partner and life-long friend. However, it wasn't that understanding or the thoughts themselves that made Mezu feel so humiliated, but it was the fact that he was getting turned on by such thoughts while wearing only a towel with two other beings nearby.

As if to prove that the universe purposefully timed embarrassing circumstances with the precise moment they could do the most damage, Mezumaru heard his name being called from the room behind him.

"Hey Mezu! You planning on staring at the wall all night or are you gonna finish bathing?" Kubinashi hollered at him from the tub. "Ryouta might bite, but I don't."

It was true, after Ryouta got a quick bucket of water dumped on him to rinse the soap away, Kubinashi once again had a struggle with him to get him into the bath water and the cat had actually bit his hand.

The blonde had then smacked Ryouta upside the head, which had apparently knocked his sense back into him and he realized what he had done. He apologized and promised he would try as hard as he could to stop fighting. After the slowest descent into a bathtub that Kubinashi had ever witnessed, the cat finally sat with water up to his chin and his ears lying on his head in a way that made him look pitiful.

All of that had taken place during the ten or so minutes that Mezumaru had zoned out, completely distracted by the dirty thoughts in his imagination.

"If you're still mad about Gozu knocking you out of the tree with us, we can hold him down for you while you kick his ass." Kubinashi grinned mischievously and looked over the edge of the in-ground bath at the younger's back, since he had yet to turn around.

The comment was meant to be completely in jest and not taken seriously in any way. But Mezumaru's mind was still being driven by youkai hormones and sexual thoughts, which caused the innocent comment to turn into something much more deliciously filthy than it was ever meant to be.

The youth tried the best he could to beat down the image of ravishing a Gozu that was restrained and held down to give Kubinashi some kind of response so he wouldn't question Mezu's silence.

"I… I'm fine. I'll get back at him by myself."

Kubinashi noticed the odd tone he had started his statement with but didn't call attention to it. "Well, whether you plan to soak with us or not, you should hurry up and get done over there so we can go bother Kejoro for our cookies before Ao eats them all."

Mezumaru only turned his head to look at the other two out of the corner of his eye so they knew he was acknowledging them but couldn't see his face, "Alright."

If he was going to get out of the bathing room without being completely humiliated in front of them, he was going to have to cool down his aroused and overheated body. Luckily for him, dowsing himself in a few pails of ice cold water right then wasn't going to raise any suspicions whatsoever.

He shivered a little after he dumped the second bucket over his head. He was feeling miserably cold but it did the trick. He stood up to walk to the tub to soak in the hot water just long enough to stop feeling like he'd been frozen by Yuki-Onna.

He hadn't even turned around to face the other direction yet before he was stopped in his tracks by the sound of running feet outside the door of the bathing room and a shout of "Wait! Don't go in there!"

Kubinashi had barely enough time to dunk Ryoutaneko's head under the water and submerge himself to hide, before the door slid rapidly open to reveal the naïve members of the Kiyo Cross Squad standing in the doorway with Yura behind them with her hands over her eyes.

Mezumaru was both horribly unlucky as well at incredibly fortunate in that particular moment. On the one hand, he had been nowhere near a place to hide in the brief seconds he had warning before they barged in and was now standing in front of the group of strangers in only a towel. But on the other hand, without his outdated clothes or skull he wore, he looked completely human but for the blue hair, which they would just assume was dyed. He certainly looked a lot more human than the bath's other two occupants anyway.

When he recognized the girls, he knew that the rules of karma were working in absolute balance against him right then, as he realized that their roles had been reversed almost perfectly from the event at the hot springs on Gyuuki's mountain.

The only thing that was different was that they weren't trying to kill him like he had done with them. He marked another point up on the lucky side of the scoreboard, because without his attire or dozens of huge, hungry youkai behind him, it seemed like they didn't recognize him. If they had, he was pretty sure that the scenario would have played out in reverse perfectly – except there would be no onmyouji to rescue him like they had been.

Since Yura had improved so much in her skills since the time _she_ had barged into the Nura bath looking for youkai, the girl had been able to sense that there were three demons in there this time before they had entered. She hadn't been completely sure, but her awareness gave her the feeling that they were all male and she had slapped her hands over her eyes before the doors were even open.

The other humans quickly blushed and averted their glances politely when they realized they had barged in on someone bathing - whereas Mezumaru was currently staring at them in shock, unsure if he should hide, cover himself, get angry, or just say 'screw it' and use his youki to vanish in front of them.

"We're terribly sorry. We thought we heard some small youkai above the ceiling run in here." Kiyogutsu and the others chorused in a variety of embarrassed apologies to him.

His eyes grew wider at the mention of youkai, but he tried to keep calm and get them out as soon as possible. "…Uh… ok." He made a small shooing motion with his hand and his expression changed to clearly send the message, 'Ok then, what the hell are you still doing here? Get lost.'

Along with the continued mumblings of apologies and politely excusing themselves, Mezu's youkai hearing could make out one of the girl's voices saying to someone next to her in a hushed tone, _"Isn't that the blue-haired person that fell out of the tree earlier? I guess it really wasn't a girl after all."_

Mezu's eye twitched, after the events of the last few hours, he couldn't hold back all of his anger at hearing that. However, he did his absolute best to keep _most_ of it in check since he knew killing the girl wasn't an option if he wanted to keep living under Rikuo's rule – or just keep living _period_.

His eyebrows creased in offended fury, "Of course I'm not a girl! If that's what you thought, you could at least have the decency to say it where I can't hear you!"

He heard the girl squeak in embarrassment at being heard and the youkai's fists clenched angrily at his sides, which brought his attention to the bar of soap he still had in his hand. With barely enough thought put into the action to lessen the strength of his pitch so as not to kill her with it, he threw it in the direction of his offender.

"Mezu? Is that y-" Gozumaru came around the corner of the door to the bathing room just in time to get beamed right between the eyes with the bar of soap, which had luckily flew right between the humans at a speed that knocked Gozu flat on his back.

The blue-haired youth spared a brief second to thank his luck that it hadn't hit his intended target. Because from the looks of it, even the gentlest throw that his youkai anger could allow would probably have broken the human's neck.

Mezu brushed past the humans into the hall to make sure Gozu wasn't hurt too badly, simply out of years of habit, before remembering that he was still mad at the other. Worse yet, he remembered the images he daydreamed of his partner and the fact that he still only wore a towel.

His face turned pink, and seeing that Gozu was mostly uninjured except for a severe headache, he crossed his arms and frowned down at his fallen comrade.

"Serves you right for what you did to me." On the surface, he was referring to Gozu dropping him out of the tree. But secretly, he meant it to include making him feel confused, the embarrassing thoughts that had been brought to his mind, and that he was suddenly thinking of his partner in an all around new way that he wasn't sure if he was comfortable with.

He stomped back into the storage area of the bathroom and retrieved his clothes and stormed right past the group of humans with his belongings in his arms, intent on getting dressed somewhere else.

Gozumaru was just getting to his feet, clutching his throbbing head in pain as the other stomped on his foot for good measure when he walked passed him.

"Ow!" He grabbed his foot with the hand that wasn't holding his head. "What the hell's wrong with you? This isn't how you usually are when you're pissed off at me."

Mezumaru kept walking down the hall, calling over his shoulder loudly, "Well _you_ don't normally dump me out of a tree then disappear right afterward for a few hours."

"I don't see how disappearing after I drop you out of a tree is any worse than kicking your ass out of it on purpose and then pounding you into the ground. You don't act this pissed off when I do that!" He hollered back at the other's still retreating back.

Mezu stopped to turn around near the end of the hallway long enough to shout at the top of his lungs. "Go to hell Gozu!" Then turned right back around to continue his mad walk.

"I'm not going to hell unless you come with me!" Gozu roared back at his partner as the other finally reached the end of the hall and turned the corner to disappear from sight.

He stood there with his fists clenched and glaring at the space he'd last seen Mezu but it wasn't long before he was reminded he wasn't alone by one of the humans in the hall behind him.

"So, you guys have a lover's quarrel or something?" Maki asked bluntly.

Yura suddenly smacked her forehead with a loud slapping sound. She seriously wanted to tell these people the truth about Rikuo, those living in his house and youkai in general so they could know just how often it was that they did things that could have got them killed, kidnapped, or eaten. If it wasn't for her and Rikuo and his orders to his followers, the Kiyo Cross Squad would have been dead countless times over in just the time she had known them.

Gozu made no move but for to turn his head to the side so he could glare at her through one eye. "_What_ did you say?"

"No need to get upset with me." She waved her hand dismissively, as though she had tons of experience dealing with classmates who got defensive about their crushes or person they were dating. "I only ask because of that weird thing you said."

He didn't ask her to elaborate on what she meant, but his menacing glare turned darker and his youki that he had begun to release without the humans noticing started to pour more freely. This made Yura hold up a talisman from her spot at the back of the group and shake her head in a warning to him that went unnoticed by the others.

He snarled a little, showing just a glimmer of his fangs at her but made no change to his youki or posture other than that.

Rubbing her arms a little at the unusual drop in temperature, Maki chocked up his attitude to a guy who just didn't want to hear an outsider's opinion and continued on with her explanation.

"I mean, that thing about going to hell was kinda weird if you were just friends who were mad at each other. Most people say 'If I'm going to hell then I'll drag you down with me,' or something along those lines."

She didn't move her hands from around her arms but pointed one of her fingers lazily at him, "But _you_ said 'I'm not going to hell unless you come with me,' which sounds a lot more like a lover's suicide pact than a death threat if you ask me."

Gozu felt like he'd been doused in ice water. His eyes widened in shock and he unintentionally turned enough to stare at her with both eyes and though she couldn't see it, his level of youki output dropped like a rock.

She suddenly took on a look of comprehension and grinned widely at him, "Oooh~… You didn't realize how you really thought about him until I pointed out what you just said and what it sounded like did you?"

Gozumaru didn't make a move or say anything, but he started to look a little paler and just a bit frightened. They could see that his thoughts were running rampant now. Just a few words from Maki had opened the gates and all the bulls that had been kept hidden, came charging out to run wildly through the streets of his mind.

When he still said nothing, she smiled and gave a small wave to him. "Well, we can see you have a lot to think about now. So we'll be on our way." With that, the blonde led the way down the hall, the others following her for lack of knowing what else to do.

As they walked away, Kiyotsugu could be heard asking, "Maki-san, what exactly were you talking about back there?"

"Just BL, don't worry about it."

"BL? Isn't that the phrase you used when we had the story of Jami told to us?"

"Kiyotsugu-kun, you are completely oblivious to anything not related to youkai aren't you?"

Their conversation got harder to hear over Natsumi's giggling as the group walked further away.

From their hiding spot, Kubinashi and Ryoutaneko could hear that the humans had finally left. While they had been keeping themselves from being seen, they had eventually had to surface for air. When they did, they noticed that all the Kiyo Cross Squad's attention was focused on Mezu and Gozu, so they decided it was probably safe enough to at least keep their noses above water so they could breathe. The edge of the set-in tub had hid all but the very tops of their heads and Ryouta's ears, which he had flattened as much as possible.

When they were positive the group wasn't coming back the duo climbed out of the tub. Looking down, Kubinashi could see four long cuts in the forearm that had been previously uninjured from the tree fall.

"Damn it Ryouta! That hurt a lot worse than when you bit me." He picked up one of the drying towels and wrapped it around the fresh wounds. The cuts were so deep that if he were human they would be spilling blood everywhere.

"I'm sorry Kubinashi! You know I didn't mean to!" The feline apologized and looked terribly ashamed.

When the blonde had dunked Ryoutaneko's head under the water to hide, the demon cat automatically scratched at him with his razor claws to get free. However, he had only gotten one strike in before Kubinashi caught both of his arms to keep him from inflicting more damage and calm him down.

Kubinashi sighed and smiled at his friend. "It's alright. I know you didn't do it on purpose. I'm just frustrated that I've been getting injured nonstop since the game of shoji we never got to play."

Ryouta felt a little better at hearing that he wasn't the main cause of the blonde's anger, but he still felt guilty for being unable to control himself.

The two of them dried off and got dressed, with Kubinashi leaving off the items that covered his forearms since he would need to get healed by Zen again.

When they finally left the bathing room, they were stunned to find that Gozumaru had never left his spot in the hallway, around the corner of the door. They didn't know it, but he hadn't moved at all since the humans left.

Kubinashi tilted his head and quirked an eyebrow at the oddity of Gozu not being loud and obnoxious _period_, let along imitating a statue. He and Ryoutaneko had only heard very little of what had been said in the hall while they were hiding, so they had no idea why the youth was behaving so strangely.

The blonde snapped his fingers in front of Gozumaru, trying to get him to come out of whatever trance he'd fallen into. "Hey Gozu, you ok?"

The brunette blinked rapidly at the snapping fingers in his face, finally realizing he wasn't alone. His bewildered look swiftly turned angry and he glared at Kubinashi. "What did you hear?"

Kubinashi was thrown off by the question, "Huh? You mean what was said while we were hiding? Not much really. Just you yelling something about pounding Mezu's ass into the ground and both of you screaming at each other to go to hell. Ryouta and I were a little too busy with our own problems to really pay attention."

At Kubinashi's words about 'pounding Mezu's ass into the ground' and with Gozu's mind set in a different mode of thinking thanks to Maki, a wave of new images he'd never thought of before assaulted his brain. He had said the original words himself and knew full well that it was meant as 'beating Mezu up' but his mind twisted it around anyway and made him hear 'screwing Mezu senseless.'

The blonde became a little concerned as Gozu's face reddened darkly. "Hey, are you all right? You sure are acting weird. You should probably see Zen to make sure you're alright."

Gozu was able to bring himself back out of his dirty thoughts enough to snap angrily. "I'm fine!"

Kubinashi backed up with his hands in front of him to show he meant no harm. "Alright! Jeez, no need to get so angry."

The youth glared heatedly at him and was able to gather himself and his out of control thoughts enough to stomp off down the hall, in the opposite direction that Mezu had gone.

The other two were left started after him in confusion, "I wonder what's got him so upset."

"Who knows," Kubinashi turned to go in the opposite direction Gozu had. "Those kids of Gyuuki's both act pretty weird."

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><p>AN<p>

What's this? Gozu/Mezu before any Kubi/Kuro? Well, I felt it fit in perfectly at this time and it gives you guys something to tide you over for now :3

I know Ryouta was acting kind of weird... but have you ever tried giving a bath to a cat that hates water? I don't think it's really that much out of character for a demon cat to act like Ryouta did.

Next chapter: Kubinashi finally meets 'Karina'!

Please review!


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